Heights of Communication Gap...!

Mr. Verma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby!

The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, Mrs.Verma receives a telephone call from AEC (Ahmedabad Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid.

"Am I speaking to Mrs.Verma?"

"Yes...... speaking"

AEC guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the AEC guy.

"What are you saying? It's in your files...... HOW?????"

"Yes ... We have a system of finding out who's overdue"

"GOD!!!!!!......... This is too much.........."

"Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders..... I have to inform you are overdue"

"I know that. Let me talk to my husband about this tonight. .... he will speak to your company tomorrow "

That night, she tells her husband about the call, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning.

"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?

What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at AEC, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? and if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a CANDLE." - 

Read More...

ANT & Grosshopper - A Story about Indian Reservations

The story of the Ant, The Grosshopper – A Wonderful Moral as its really happening in our country INDIA…

An Old Story:-

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

Indian Version:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance).

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for ' Bengal Bandh' in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry. CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant is unable to cope with the Resesrvation and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'.

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.

CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General ssembly.

Congress takes the credit for always caring about the AAM Grasshopeer.

Many years later...

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley,

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation omewhere
in India , .

..AND

As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers...,.

INDIA is still a developing country… !!!

Read More...

Impact of Slowdown on IT Employee's Family

Vijay (Calling his family from Amsterdam):

Good Evening Mom and Dad.  Where is my wife Sravya?

 

Dad: Just now I called her. She is on the way to home after taking our

grandson Rahul from his school.

 

Vijay: Let us wait for her few minutes and we will start this discussion.

 

(By the time Sravya entered in to the house.. Vijay continue the meeting)

 

I hope you know the Agenda of the meeting which I had mentioned in the

meeting request. Even though let me read out the agenda once again

 

1. Status update/Discussion on Last Week Action Items

 

2. Family Strategy

 

2. Rahul's Education

 

3. Medical Insurance for Mom and Dad

 

I hope every one have the printout of last week MOM (Minutes of Meeting).

Dear Mom can you please update the status of tasks which you are taking

care of?

 

Mom: Vijay, I am taking care of kitchen module which involves making

products like Sambar, Rasam, Curd Rice, Vegetable Biriyani.I am not

comfortable in handling the tools for making Non Vegetarian products. You

suggest some training in Hlite. However after making these products, I am

giving to your Dad for Acceptance testing. Once he satisfied with the

quality of taste, we pass it to Dining Hall. One more thing, I would like

to share with you. As you have suggested during my appraisal discussion,

now I have stopped crying while watching mega serials in TV

 

Vijay: Sounds Good.

 

Vijay: Now coming to Dad. Dad can you please update us?

 

Dad: Yes. My dear son. I have completed my tasks by paying the current

bill and phone bill with in time.

 

Vijay: That's good

 

Dad: But I couldn't pay the premium amount of 9200.00 of the LIC plan

which you had taken for tax reduction purpose.

 

Vijay: It doesn't look nice dad. I have sent you the amount already and

given clear instructions.

Can you explain to me what went wrong?

 

Dad: On Tuesday night suddenly one of our team mate (your mom) fell

Down on the floor when she was running to catch Rahul. Then we took her

to hospital and spent that amount for her medical expenses.

 

Mom: Vijay, I would like to add on what your Dad said, that was true. I

got heavy injury in my legs and I was in hospital for two days. So now we

don't have money to pay for the premium.

 

Vijay: Sravya..! Would you aware of this? As a home lead, I expect you to

track these issues and send it to me on daily basis. What are you doing

(With stress on 'doing') after coming from college?

 

Sravya: Will do it Vijay. You know that the college, I am working is very

far from our home. Every day I come back home at 6 pm and sit with Rahul

for assisting him for doing his home work.

 

Vijay: Ok. Coming to second Agenda point .Due to this financial crisis we

need to change the strategy of running our family. I am looking for your

cooperation in the following cost cutting activities. I want to see the

cost benefit of 40 % in this month budget after implementing this

 

 

• Asking servant maid to leave her job
• Stop ordering Pizzas for dinner
• Avoid Tooth paste and use Neem sticks/Banyan Tree Sticks
• Wise to listen news from our near by portion when they watch news in TV
• Every Saturday visit our relative's homes and spend the whole day including break fast, lunch and Dinner
• Don't invite anybody to our home. Sunday our relatives might come toour house. Just lock the door outside and do your work inside silently.
• Everybody assemble in adjacent street Saibaba temple on Sunday for breakfast. They provide 'Pulihora' as 'prasadam' which is good in taste
• Sravya ..  stop going for gym and Yoga class. Use Hand Grinder (Replacement  of Mixie) instead of grinder and Mixie. Mom please give KT to
• Sravya about this.
  
• Don't buy excess of things and store it in Fridge. Use big Mud pots for cool water.
• Everybody go to bed early around 6:30 pm. Ask Rahul to do his homework when he comes back from school immediately during the hours sunlight is available. If not ask him to read under street light. He will become like Lincoln (Former US President) one day.
•  Use as much of cycle for transportation to near by places(It will help you to reduce fat and Cholesterol content)
•  I know you are eager to watch latest release 'Darling'. Don't plan for that. Wail till next year Diwali to watch the same movie in MAA TV

 

If you have any clarifications contact Sravya@kitchen.com

 

Coming to second Agenda point. Sravya, can you please update me about

Rahul's Education. In which standard he is studying? Whether he got any

double promotion? He was writing annual exam for third standard when I

was leaving for Amsterdam.

 

Sravya: Vijay, I am bit worrying about his education. I have tracked his

efforts, schedule in our OHM+ tool. I found 20 % in Effort variance and 35

% in schedule deviation. His learning curve goes down in the control chart

which you can see in the report, I have sent you yesterday.

 

Vijay: Thanks for your measurements. I will review the report and we will

discuss it on next week's call. I have a client meeting now. So we will

discuss the third agenda item next week. Mom and Dad.. can you please

drop out from the call ?. I wanted to talk to Sravya about few personal

things and Dad, don't forget to circulate the MOM to every one.

 

Sravya: Hello Vijay..

 

Sravya: Hello.Hello.

 

Sravya: Hello.

 

<Tring.Tring..Tring.Line Got Disconnected>

Read More...

Special Question for You on Cigarette

Question : You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?

Scroll down

-

,

,

,

,

,

,

,

,

,

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette

another deadly answer. Scroll down a little

...

...

...

...

...

Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)

"TIP TIP barsa Pani.

Pani ne aag lagayee."

us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".

...

...

...

...

...

...

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down

Start praising one cigarette, The other will get jealous & "jalney lagega"

Searching for me ?....I am also searching for the person who sent it to me!!!

Cheers

Read More...

Word Shortcuts

All Word Shortcuts and Tips:

All Caps - CTRL+ SHIFT+A

Annotation - ALT+ CTRL+M

App Maximize - ALT+F10

App Restore - ALT+F5

Apply Heading1 - ALT+ CTRL+1

Apply Heading2 - ALT+ CTRL+2

Apply Heading3 - ALT+ CTRL+3

Apply List Bullet - CTRL+ SHIFT+L

Auto Format - ALT+ CTRL+K

Auto Text - F3 or - ALT+ CTRL+V

Bold - CTRL+B or - CTRL+ SHIFT+B

Bookmark - CTRL+ SHIFT+F5

Browse Next - CTRL+PAGE DOWN

Browse Previous - CTRL+PAGE UP

Browse Sel - ALT+ CTRL+HOME

Cancel - ESC

Center Para - CTRL+E

Change Case - SHIFT+F3

Char Left - LEFT

Char Left Extend - SHIFT+LEFT

Char Right - RIGHT

Char Right Extend - SHIFT+RIGHT

Clear - DELETE

Close or Exit - ALT+F4

Close Pane - ALT+ SHIFT+C

Column Break - CTRL+ SHIFT+ENTER

Column Select - CTRL+ SHIFT+F8

Copy - CTRL+C or - CTRL+INSERT

Copy Format - CTRL+ SHIFT+C

Copy Text - SHIFT+F2

Create Auto Text - ALT+F3

Customize Add Menu - ALT+ CTRL+=

Customize Keyboard - ALT+ CTRL+NUM +

Customize Remove Menu - ALT+ CTRL+

Cut - CTRL+X or - SHIFT+DELETE

Date Field - ALT+ SHIFT+D

Delete Back Word - CTRL+BACKSPACE

Delete Word - CTRL+DELETE

Dictionary - ALT+ SHIFT+F7

Do Field Click - ALT+ SHIFT+F9

Doc Close - CTRL+W or - CTRL+F4

Doc Maximize - CTRL+F10

Doc Move - CTRL+F7

Doc Restore - CTRL+F5

Doc Size - CTRL+F8

Doc Split - ALT+ CTRL+S

Double Underline - CTRL+ SHIFT+D

End of Column - ALT+PAGE DOWN

End of Column - ALT+ SHIFT+PAGE DOWN

End of Doc Extend - CTRL+ SHIFT+END

End of Document - CTRL+END

End of Line - END

End of Line Extend - SHIFT+END

End of Row - ALT+END

End of Row - ALT+ SHIFT+END

End of Window - ALT+ CTRL+PAGE DOWN

End of Window Extend - ALT+ CTRL+ SHIFT+PAGE DOWN

Endnote Now - ALT+ CTRL+D

Extend Selection - F8

Field Chars - CTRL+F9

Field Codes - ALT+F9

Find - CTRL+F

Font - CTRL+D or - CTRL+ SHIFT+F

Font Size Select - CTRL+ SHIFT+P

Footnote Now - ALT+ CTRL+F

Go Back - SHIFT+F5 or - ALT+ CTRL+Z

Go To - CTRL+G or F5

Grow Font - CTRL+ SHIFT+.

Grow Font One Point - CTRL+]

Hanging Indent - CTRL+T

Header Footer Link - ALT+ SHIFT+R

Help - F1

Hidden - CTRL+ SHIFT+H

Hyperlink - CTRL+K

Indent - CTRL+M

Italic - CTRL+I or - CTRL+ SHIFT+I

Justify Para - CTRL+J

Left Para - CTRL+L

Line Down - DOWN

Line Down Extend - SHIFT+DOWN

Line Up - UP

Line Up Extend - SHIFT+UP

List Num Field - ALT+ CTRL+L

Lock Fields - CTRL+3 or - CTRL+F11

Macro - ALT+F8

Mail Merge Check - ALT+ SHIFT+K

Mail Merge Edit Data Source - ALT+ SHIFT+E

Mail Merge to Doc - ALT+ SHIFT+N

Mail Merge to Printer - ALT+ SHIFT+M

Mark Citation - ALT+ SHIFT+I

Mark Index Entry - ALT+ SHIFT+X

Mark Table of Contents Entry - ALT+ SHIFT+O

Menu Mode - F10

Merge Field - ALT+ SHIFT+F

Microsoft Script Editor - ALT+ SHIFT+F11

Microsoft System Info - ALT+ CTRL+F1

Move Text - F2

New - CTRL+N

Next Cell - TAB

Next Field - F11 or - ALT+F1

Next Misspelling - ALT+F7

Next Object - ALT+DOWN

Next Window - CTRL+F6 or - ALT+F6

Normal - ALT+ CTRL+N

Normal Style - CTRL+ SHIFT+N or - ALT+ SHIFT+CLEAR (NUM 5)

Open - CTRL+O or - CTRL+F12 or - ALT+ CTRL+F2

Open or Close Up Para - CTRL+0

Other Pane - F6 or - SHIFT+F6

Outline - ALT+ CTRL+O

Outline Collapse - ALT+ SHIFT+ or - ALT+ SHIFT+NUM -

Outline Demote - ALT+ SHIFT+RIGHT

Outline Expand - ALT+ SHIFT+=

Outline Expand - ALT+ SHIFT+NUM +

Outline Move Down - ALT+ SHIFT+DOWN

Outline Move Up - ALT+ SHIFT+UP

Outline Promote - ALT+ SHIFT+LEFT

Outline Show First Line - ALT+ SHIFT+L

Overtype - INSERT

Page - ALT+ CTRL+P

Page Break - CTRL+ENTER

Page Down - PAGE DOWN

Page Down Extend - SHIFT+PAGE DOWN

Page Field - ALT+ SHIFT+P

Page Up - PAGE UP

Page Up Extend - SHIFT+PAGE UP

Para Down - CTRL+DOWN

Para Down Extend - CTRL+ SHIFT+DOWN

Para Up - CTRL+UP

Para Up Extend - CTRL+ SHIFT+UP

Paste - CTRL+V or - SHIFT+INSERT

Paste Format - CTRL+ SHIFT+V

Prev Cell - SHIFT+TAB

Prev Field - SHIFT+F11 or - ALT+ SHIFT+F1

Prev Object - ALT+UP

Prev Window - CTRL+ SHIFT+F6 or - ALT+ SHIFT+F6

Print - CTRL+P or - CTRL+ SHIFT+F12

Print Preview - CTRL+F2 or - ALT+ CTRL+I

Proofing - F7

Redo - ALT+ SHIFT+BACKSPACE

Redo or Repeat - CTRL+Y or F4 or - ALT+ENTER

Repeat Find - SHIFT+F4 or - ALT+ CTRL+Y

Replace - CTRL+H

Reset Char - CTRL+SPACE or - CTRL+ SHIFT+Z

Reset Para - CTRL+Q

Revision Marks Toggle - CTRL+ SHIFT+E

Right Para - CTRL+R

Save - CTRL+S or - SHIFT+F12 or - ALT+ SHIFT+F2

Save As - F12

Select All - CTRL+A or - CTRL+CLEAR (NUM 5) or - CTRL+NUM 5

Select Table - ALT+CLEAR (NUM 5)

Show All - CTRL+ SHIFT+8

Show All Headings - ALT+ SHIFT+A

Show Heading1 - ALT+ SHIFT+1

Show Heading2 - ALT+ SHIFT+2

Show Heading3 - ALT+ SHIFT+3

Show Heading4 - ALT+ SHIFT+4

Show Heading5 - ALT+ SHIFT+5

Show Heading6 - ALT+ SHIFT+6

Show Heading7 - ALT+ SHIFT+7

Show Heading8 - ALT+ SHIFT+8

Show Heading9 - ALT+ SHIFT+9

Shrink Font - CTRL+ SHIFT+,

Shrink Font One Point - CTRL+[

Small Caps - CTRL+ SHIFT+K

Space Para1 - CTRL+1

Space Para15 - CTRL+5

Space Para2 - CTRL+2

Spike - CTRL+ SHIFT+F3 or - CTRL+F3

Start of Column - ALT+PAGE UP

Start of Column - ALT+ SHIFT+PAGE UP

Start of Doc Extend - CTRL+ SHIFT+HOME

Start of Document - CTRL+HOME

Start of Line - HOME

Start of Line Extend - SHIFT+HOME

Start of Row - ALT+HOME

Start of Row - ALT+ SHIFT+HOME

Start of Window - ALT+ CTRL+PAGE UP

Start of Window Extend - ALT+ CTRL+ SHIFT+PAGE UP

Style - CTRL+ SHIFT+S

Subscript - CTRL+=

Superscript - CTRL+ SHIFT+=

Symbol Font - CTRL+ SHIFT+Q

Thesaurus - SHIFT+F7

Time Field - ALT+ SHIFT+T

Toggle Field Display - SHIFT+F9

Toggle Master Subdocs - CTRL+\

Tool - SHIFT+F1

Un Hang - CTRL+ SHIFT+T

Un Indent - CTRL+ SHIFT+M

Underline - CTRL+U or - CTRL+ SHIFT+U

Undo - CTRL+Z or - ALT+BACKSPACE

Unlink Fields - CTRL+6 or - CTRL+ SHIFT+F9

Unlock Fields - CTRL+4 or - CTRL+ SHIFT+F11

Update Auto Format - ALT+ CTRL+U

Update Fields - F9 or - ALT+ SHIFT+U

Update Source - CTRL+ SHIFT+F7

VBCode - ALT+F11

Web Go Back - ALT+LEFT

Web Go Forward - ALT+RIGHT

Word Left - CTRL+LEFT

Word Left Extend - CTRL+ SHIFT+LEFT

Word Right - CTRL+RIGHT

Word Right Extend - CTRL+ SHIFT+RIGHT

Word Underline - CTRL+ SHIFT+W

Read More...

DRIVE SAFELY MUST WATCH

Every one must watch this video..!!

Read More...